7 Seconds to Impress – How to Get the Girl of Your Dreams

#1 DON’T open with an obvious line, such as “Did it hurt… when you fell from Heaven?” These are old, cheesy, and ineffective. You should also avoid any sexist comments about her body, hair color, boob size, or ask overly personal/rude questions *hello, favorite sex position*.. Basically, anything you’ve seen douchebags ask on Tinder is going to be a giant no-no for real life first impressions. 

#2 DO say something funny. One of the best ways to woo a woman is to tickle her funny bone. This means one of the best things you can do with your 7 seconds of “GO” time is make her laugh. At the end of your encounter, she may not remember what color your hair is or what you were wearing, but she sure as heck is going to remember what made her belly-laugh in public.

#3 DON’T overshare. We’re not sure what’s worse: asking her if she loves giving BJ’s, or oversharing about your recent fight with your brother, Jake. The weird issues you have with your mother, and how your ex tore your heart out and proceeded to incite a spiral of self-doubt in you are topics best left for subsequent dates. Bringing up these topics is definitely not how you want to spend your 7 seconds.

#4 DO use a quote. Girls like quotes; they make a potential date seem educated, intellectual, romantic, and mysterious. Trust us. There’s a reason why Instagram is flooded with filtered pictures depicting typewriter fonts and F. Scott Fitzgerald quotes. Pro tip? Try to find a way to slip it naturally into the conversation–otherwise you may just come off as a pretentious weirdo instead of pants-charmer-extraordinaire. 

#5 DON’T talk about your penis. Ever. If she wants to know its specs, she’ll find out for herself. We promise.

#6 DO ask her leading questions. If you can get your lady in question to open up about any given topic you bring up, you’ve pretty much got this in the bag. It doesn’t matter who you are: male, female, a pink-striped elephant–people love to talk about themselves.

Ask your girl a leading question about herself: where she grew up, what she wants to do with her life, what her best vacation was, and soon you’ll find your conversation is flowing naturally. One of the best ways to make a first impression is by showing the other person they can be comfortable around you, and that you will take an interest in what they have to say. 

#7 DON’T be overly touchy. A shake of the hand is perfectly peachy at the beginning of the interaction, after introducing yourself, but getting handsy during a new encounter makes you come off like a creep. Watch where you put those hands, bud!

#8 DO be nice. Believe it or not, people aren’t generally used to receiving kindness from strangers. For example, let’s say you see a gorgeous girl in front of you at a Starbucks. If you’re really into this girl *in that weird “I like you from afar” way we tend to crush on people*, why not spring for her coffee while you’re in line, open the door for her when you leave, and offer a friendly smile? Nobody smiles anymore, so even this simple gesture can set you apart quickly!

The most romantic lines that aren’t written by you

                    The most romantic lines that aren’t written by you

#1 “When I am old and alone, I will remember that I once held something truly beautiful.” – Joe Dunthorne, Submarine

#2 “I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be.” – Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

#3 “We loved with a love that was more than love.” – Edgar Allan Poe, “Annabel Lee”

#4 “Do I love you? My god, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches.” – William Goldman, The Princess Bride

#5 “When you love something, it loves you back in whatever way it has to love.” – John Knowles, A Separate Peace

#6 “You are my sympathy—my better self—my good angel—I am bound to you with a strong attachment. I think you good, gifted, lovely: a fervent, a solemn passion is conceived in my heart; it leans to you, draws you to my center and spring of life, wrap my existence about you—and, kindling in pure, powerful flame, fuses you and me in one.” – Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

#7 “You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how.” – Margaret Mitchell, Gone With the Wind

#8 “Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” – Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

#9 “I have waited for this opportunity for more than half a century, to repeat to you once again my vow of eternal fidelity and everlasting love.” – Gabriel García Márquez, Love in the Time of Cholera

#10 “He stepped down, trying not to look long at her, as if she were the sun, yet he saw her, like the sun, even without looking.” – Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

#11 “I want you to have your own thoughts and ideas and feelings, even when I hold you in my arms.” – E. M. Forster, A Room With A View

#12 “And when one of them meets with his other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy.” – Plato, The Symposium

#13 “Love had caught him out of triviality and Maurice out of bewilderment in order that two imperfect souls might touch perfection.” – E.M. Forster, Maurice

#14 “He was my North, my South, my East and West, my working week and my Sunday rest.” – W.H. Auden, “Stop All the Clocks”

#15 “If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.” – A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh

#16 “I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.” – Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

#17 “To love or have loved, that is enough. Ask nothing further. There is no other pearl to be found in the dark folds of life.” – Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

#18 “You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.” – John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

#19 “If I were to live a thousand years, I would belong to you for all of them. If we were to live a thousand lives, I would want to make you mine in each one.” – Michelle Hodkin, The Evolution of Mara Dyer

#20 “If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger.” – Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

#21 “Soul meets soul on lovers’ lips.” – Percy Bysshe Shelley, Prometheus Bound

#22 “You are my heart, my life, my one and only thought.” – Arthur Conan Doyle, The White Company

#23 “Each time, you happen to me all over again.” – Edith Wharton, The Age of Innocence

#24 “I do love nothing in the world so well as you—is not that strange?” – William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing

#25 “If it weren’t for her, there would never have been an empty space, or the need to fill it.” – Nicole Krause, The History of Love

#26 “Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be.” – Robert Browning, “Rabbi Ben Ezra” [Read: 11 profound relationship quotes anyone can relate to]

#27 “I look at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world…” – Frank O’Hara,Having a Coke With You

#28 “When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” ? Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

#29 “I have a million things to talk to you about. All I want in this world is you. I want to see you and talk. I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning.” – Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

#30 “It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight.” – Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

Now, go grab a bottle of wine. Light some candles. Sit your partner down and recite the words that you think best describe your affection. No need to wear a costume—unless that’s what you’re into.